3 Types of Sex

There are three types of sex in a marriage. The first one is Kitchen Sex. This is when you are newlyweds, and you're still having fun, so you do it anywhere, anytime - but mostly the kitchen.

The second type is Bedroom Sex. This is when you have settled down a bit and probably have kids, so you can't do it anywhere except the bedroom.

The third type of sex is Hallway Sex. This is when you pass each other in the hall and say, ''Screw you.''

But there's also a fourth kind called Courtroom Sex. This is when you are getting a divorce and you try to screw each other in public.

Things Just Fallin' Off

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.

Little Johnny... Stand up

A new teacher tries to make use of her psychology courses. The first day of class, she starts by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stands up. The teacher asks, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."

Samy Vellu Story

Samy Vellu was visiting India when he fell and broke his jaw. He was
unable to speak. Being the great leader that he is, he continued his
grand tour.

On the last week of his visit, the RTM crew was present for his press
conference. Although unable to speak, Samy insisted on sending a
message home to his Cabinet colleagues. Samy caught a chicken and showed it to
the camera. Next he took a goat, and showed it to the camera. Finally
he took a bag and displayed it in front of the camera

Lim Kheng Yaik was the first to see the video clip. He said, "Samy is telling
us that India has insufficient food because he showed us a chicken and
a goat, and he wants Malaysia to donate bags of rice. " Pak Lah watched
silently then said, "No lah....what Samy is trying to say is HE IS
COMING BACK. The whole cabinet was puzzled and look to the old man for
an explanation.
Pak Lah reasoned, "AYAM KAMBING BAG." ("I am coming back" in Indian
accent)

*peAce*

Lessons of Alcohol

A ninth-grade teacher wanted to demonstrate the evils of liquor to his young students. He produced a glass of water, a glass of vodka, and two worms.

"Now class, observe closely," he said as he dropped one of the worms into the glass of water. The worm wriggled about in the water, perfectly happy.

The teacher dropped the second worm into the glass of vodka. The worm swam around for a moment, then seized up and curled, quickly sinking to the bottom of the glass, dead as a doornail.

"Now, what can be learned from this experiment?" the teacher asked his students.

After a pause, a young man stood up and said, "Well, if you drink vodka, you'll never get worms."

Joke of the DAY

Sexual Confessional

April 6th, 2007
AskMen.com Rates This Joke: 8/10

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A young woman goes to church to confess her sins to the priest. "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."

"Tell me all of your sins, my daughter."

"Oh, Father, last night my boyfriend made hot, passionate love to me seven times," she says.

The priest thinks about this long and hard, and says, "Take seven lemons and squeeze the juice into a tall glass, and drink it."

"Will this cleanse my soul of my sins?"

"No," the priest says, "but it'll wipe that smile off your face!"

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